I want to not-be... just once.. and when I'm back from not-being I want to again enjoy being till when I can be!

Remember?

There are so many memories...
It amazes me when I think about how many things I remember.... From the smallest to the biggest. Sometimes the big things get blurry, and the small things just stay on forever. They surface suddenly when you smell something or hear that song or sometimes just without the slightest provocation!
I know gradually all these memories will go away... Some I will be happy to let go of, but some I want to keep forever. There will come a day when that song won't bring up all those memories and when that particular fragrance will just be another good smell. I suppose that's how I go on... keep dropping some baggage along the way. Some of that makes me lighter, and some, I'm just sad to have lost!

Girls' best friends

Why are girlfriends so important in a girl's life? No matter how much you fight, how much you're angry with them or how much you yap about them to the guys, they're irreplaceable.
In the 1st grade it's so very important that you team up with your best gal pal and fight the bully boy in class. During the high-school years when parents are being "so damn unreasonable" it's only the girlfriends who will completely agree and give you the (much-needed) support to boldly disagree (I didn't want to sound arrogant so avoided "fight" :P) with your parents.
In college, no-one better than a close girlfriend to always vouch for you when you need permission to go out and stay out late in the evening. It's mutual. The best person to talk about your crushes 'coz she's the only person in the whole world who will understand and not judge you for being so emotional and stupid (you know she has been through the same exact thing and she knows what it's like to be a 17 year old girl!). Exam trouble, bad grades, bad choices of guy friends... everything is allowed and seems manageable with girlfriends. Then comes the real relationship and all the heartaches and "serious" fights. It's practically cathartic to vent it out while on a shopping spree! ;)
I've seen girls who haven't had any close girlfriends at all and they're fine just like that! I wonder how. I can't help but feel bad for what they've missed and are missing.
Even being married does not affect the need to have girlfriends around. In fact, it makes them all the more important... "Discussing" in-laws is just one thing, there are dozens of other small things that we keep needing advice on.
I always wondered why my mother had so many friends... old and new. She took one day trips with them, she went out with them to eat, shop and sometimes had "mothers and kids" trips.
I'm getting to know slowly. To all my gal-pals... Love you!

I always give in...

To those sleepless nights...
To those stupid fights...
To those uncared moments...
To those timeless scents...

To those disgusting grades...
To those lawns n shades...
To those coffees n teas..
To those spent out fees...

To those dramas on stage...
To those lines on a page...
To those trophies not won...
To those times of sheer fun...

To those late night outs...
To those depression bouts..
To those drives on bikes...
To those loves n likes...

To those untimely rains...
To those water filled lanes...
To those drenched jeans...
To those "Dad's not seens"...

To those old time crushes...
To those unavoidable blushes...
To those uncontrolled tears...
To those conquered fears...

To those talks of dreams...
To those walks with ice creams...
To those group studies...
To those "Best" buddies....

To those senseless talks...
To those long walks...
To those "talk to you not"s...
To those "miss you lot"s...

To those bad hair days...
To those un-mendable ways...
To those late "early" mornings...
To those long lasting evenings...

To those good byes...
To those misty eyes...
To those unspoken words...
To those flown away birds...

I give in... I always give in.

The difference...

I don't know what, but there is something different in the rain here than back home. Here, in this foreign place... yes it is still foreign to me after more than a few years, the rain does not come with the love that I felt in the Indian rain. The rain brings the same respite from the heat, similar floods and traffic jams as in India. What I can't seem to pin down is the reason why it feels so different. I miss the rhythmic noise it would make when it hit the roof of my house in India. Or the puddles it would make on the roads and in our college. How the puddles would make my monsoon clothes muddy! Yes we had monsoon clothes... clothes that would dry quicker, that would be easy to wash and that weren't as expensive! :) It would be a pain when it poured while I rode to college, but I prayed for the rain to come down as I rode back home. Of course I'd have to ride carefully and sometimes getting drenched wasn't so much fun with the dirty roads, but it was more than worth it when coming home. At home would be waiting a nice hot water bath and my mom waiting for us to finish cleaning before she made onion bhajjis and garam chai! One of the warmest feelings that I've had was watching everyone pour in at home as the rain poured on outside...
Also of course, meeting my husband (then my boyfriend) when it was raining had its own charm(?). People who've done it will know what word would be better there. Usually very choosy about what we should eat (rather where we should sit), we'd clamber into the nearest restaurant/cafe and pray that we got a good table - good here meaning where people won't be able to blatantly stare at you for being with a guy. People in cities do that too you know! The dullest of places would become romantic with the rain outside...
Here, now, I should be relieved when I see the rain outside and know that I have to walk to the covered garage, get into my car and drive to the covered garage at home, reaching the couch without getting a single drop of water on myself. Why am I not? I am thankful for all this, but I do long for the rain that could drench me, in and out!